just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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