I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
