we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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