I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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