How'd it feel making her break her religion?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
