I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
