I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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