i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
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you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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