In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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