im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my poor anus
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
