I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
