I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
