just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
