We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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