I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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