I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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