You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
