C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize