When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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