We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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