Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
