I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
