the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
