So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
