i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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