Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
