Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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