he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
