so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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