i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
