The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
