So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
