Yo dont text me then not text me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
