I'm so fucking centered right now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
