Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
