Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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