Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
