things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
