I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
