so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were trust falling into bushes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
