So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
