The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
