i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
