I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
