Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
