So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
