as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
