He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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