How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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