The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
