i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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