time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
