I think I am morally bankrupt
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
