my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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