This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
