you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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