I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
