my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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