Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
