Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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