He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
