I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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