I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just made out with a guy for $7.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
