I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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