Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
