im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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