I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
