dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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